It is a rare day where I teach you how to manage your social media accounts. It makes me grumpy because I do it professionally and your mechanic isn’t going to let you in the back to show you how to cobble together your engine for another six months. I like to work on boosting a business’ audience numbers, not teach. So please, I’m begging you, listen to me, Linda. Listen, Linda! Listen!
You need a publicity kit. You probably already have one and haven’t called it that yet. A publicity kit is a grouping of photos and information, such as a generic explanation of your project. You jam it all in one little neat place so you can send it to people you’re working with (the press, a venue for a book signing, your publishing house, etc.) when they request media.
What goes into a press kit? Professionally done photos of you (*cough* or just professional looking photos of you), super aesthetic photos of your book [or product] on the town. I’m talking Instagram worthy! Your book’s blurb (or your product’s/service’s explanation), any disclaimer and/or credits to funding. For example, I got a grant from the Wyoming Arts Council to do book signings so I have to put “This event is supported in part by a grant from the Wyoming Arts Council, with support from the National Endowment for the Arts and the Wyoming Legislature and the national endowment for the arts” in advertisements for my book signings, and their logo. Don’t forget the your author photo. The one you put in the back of your book.
You’re probably looking at this list and saying “But Helen, I have all of these!” I’m sure you do, pal! But do you have them where you can get to them at a moment’s notice, neat and tidy, easy for someone else to navigate? That’s what I’m saying!
“Okay, Helen. I’m picking up what you’re putting down. Where do I group the items for the ritual?” Weird phrasing, but whatever floats your goat, man. If I were you I’d put it into a Google Doc, that way you can access that information off of any device you can access your Google account. (And they say monopolies are a bad thing!) Personally, I have a page on my website, that you can only reach when I give you the link. It is password protected, but once you’re in you’re in. It’s not sensitive information! Just, not everyone needs it! So because I’m hosted by WordPress I have two neat columns of pictures, my book blurbs, the two versions of my bio (long and short), and a ton of professional promotional material. I also credited every artist because if someone I’m working with goes “Wow, this is really nice. Wonder what Helen’s small army of freelancers could do for me?” They don’t actually have to remember to ask me for their contact information. Their website is linked right there, and my friends can keep doing what they love for money, rather than working 60 hours a week at three jobs, with no time to work for meeeeeeeeeee. It’s a courtesy, but it’s a nice thing to do. Honestly, any file you can attach to an email will do. (Like a doc!) If we’re working on a project together, and you slap a manila file down on my desk, and say “Here’s my press kit!” I’m going to have a hard time not throat chopping you. This is the digital age, we have the technology! And you can make some cool stuff digitally now. Unfortunately, computer work isn’t much like the movies. It’s much less aesthetic, and a lot more murmuring “Now where did I save that file to?”
My broski, I can tell you from two experiences it is better to be over prepared than underprepared. The first example was when I was working with this ridiculously nice and professional gent on a collaborative project. He asked to be hyped on social media, I asked him for his promotional materials. He tells me “I don’t really have any but you can pull what you need off this email.” whiiiiich is how you get super grainy JPGs. Which is how you either get roasted with “*Tag group* What has this JPG been through?” on Facebook, or worst case scenario get ignored entirely. I wound up lightly doctoring a screenshot I got of his website. Wasn’t thrilled about it, but I got something passable. He also suggested I use my book’s cover like his team does. Thing is though, my followers have seen that cover so many times they ignore it now. My followers have never seen his branding, and his followers have never seen my cover. The whole goal is to make someone go “OwO What’s this?” *Shudders*
The second example is my own dumb-buttery! I know, we all thought I was perfect but I’m not. The paper asked me for an interview. I happily obliged! It was especially fantastic because I got to do it over the phone, after work on the ranch, and I was covered head to toe in dirt but it didn’t matter a lick. Well, at the end of the interview the reporter goes “Can we get some photos of you and your book?”
“Uuuh, certainly. I’m just not sure I have any yet.”
“Uh, okay. If you could get them by four o’ clock, that’d be greaaaat.”
The moral of this story is if you do not want to run around a park in a too short skirt at 3pm, taking selfies, then think of things like this before you need them. (There’s a really great one of me looking personally offended at a bridge I touched with my bare skin and burnt way high up on my thighs.) This is the one that made the paper.
Preparedness is your friend. Set it down next to organization. You’re going to make your own life a lot easier. Especially since we all have to work day jobs since the arts pay trash, and there’s no healthcare plan. (Okay, tbh, Patreon covers my eye and dental! Haha!) You can get a lot of things done a lot faster when you already thought about what a potential business partner is going to need from you.
If you enjoyed this blog post and want to support the making of them, throw all your money at me on Patreon. I believe information should be free and easy to access so, I am very passionate about keeping this blog free. However, the fees for running this website do add up. And I do enjoy my luxury bones, let’s be honest! For a small subscription fee that will be put towards this website, and keeping me alive, you will be able to access loads of short stories, new poems weekly, and these blog posts a week earlier than everyone else! This is a stick-up, just kidding. You can follow my public posts for free there too.
“Enjoy the best, attend the movies” was painted on the side of Torrington’s historic Wyoming Theater. (Check out this article about our beloved theatre.) I saw it every day on my way to work for years. Pretty rad old tymie sign if you ask me. So Helen, why are we talking about movies? I thought we were book people! As a whole, we are entertainment people. We work in the entertainment industry. Books are entertaining. Which is why I can relate to “The Way I Am” by Eminem so hard.
During the first part of the ongoing apocalypse I found my solace in movies. I mean, I was unemployed and my friends were dead. Watching five movies or more a day was pretty common for someone in that situation before Covid. I promise, Covid didn’t help any. I didn’t just watch movies, I consumed them. I got online, made memes with the screencaps, which, when a bunch of people did it all at once it attracted the attention of the creators. I chatted up writers, directors, voice actors, animators, the intern at the studio, anyone who would talk to me about my favorite movies. We were all trapped inside. It was nice to comfort each other. Bruh, I know way too much about Swan Princess. (I like animation. Bite me.)
Watching all these movies from the Goodwill pile changed the way I saw the world. I learned to add Hollywoodflair to my work. Like, I learned about how sometimes cinematic creators will use a particular color to portray a mood, or as a symbol. For instance, one of my friends pointed out that Carmen Sandiego (the new series remake. Haven’t seen it.) is about to win a fight when the background is red. But when the background is blue we need to worry for Carmen. She’s vulnerable. She’s outmatched. She’s in trouble! Red is a warm color, and blue is a cold color. When you feel on top of the world you feel like, well, “hot stuff”, when you feel sad you, you have “the blues”. It’s things like that I started seeing and noticing when you watch a crudton of movies and then go discuss them with your friends.
I feel like it gave me a subtle streak. If you’ve ever met me in person you know subtle is not my middle name. I’m a big girl, who wears boots everywhere, and because I came from a community populated by German and Russian immigrants I am extremely direct and generally speak my mind. Subtle doesn’t come naturally to me! I play trumpet! You ever hear a trumpet try to play subtly? Anyway, because I’ve had a visual on beautiful storytelling, I feel like I’m more equip to sneak in these odd little details.
Like foreshadowing! Foreshadowing is done best when it’s not clapping your audience in the face. Like, foreshadowing would be watching the king fall asleep on the throne and his crown slips off, a few chapters before the crown is taken from him by a foreign power. Even though he knew the threat was there, he chose not to do anything until it was too late. Not subtle would be me watching you and your girlfriend of one month have a white trash screaming match in a Walmart parking lot. Then when you walk by I would whisper “Foreshadowing“. The only thing it would be foreshadowing would be a miserable romantic relationship, and the loss of our friendship because sometimes I’m neither funny or helpful.
Dude, all I’m saying is don’t be afraid to study movies. They’re just visual story telling. We do stories here. Learning new techniques isn’t plagiarism. Sometimes it’s easier to consume because the director knows you haven’t showered in four days, are no longer capable of sentient thought, and are surviving on cheese puffs. They literally just spoon feed you a good yarn. It’s great. Go embrace the movie magic, fambilam.
Do you need to be a reader to be a writer? I don’t actually know! I’ve never not been a reader. I do know every human being and the face of the planet has a story to tell. Frankly, I see a direct correlation between poverty and the inability to access reading material or education. Whoever, this blog isn’t about why you shouldn’t condescend to people who have less than you. Obviously, you’re reading. I assume, logically, you are a reader. What I do not know is being a reader is a job requirement to being a writer, I do know the benefits.
1. You need to know the book industry.
You need to know the current market trends. Books about covid are out, Publishers scrambling to gain footing in the industry again. I see a lot of YA fantasy going out on the shelves. You, as a writer, need to be able to identify when the appropriate time for your novel to make its debut. And that is whether or not you’re planning on self-publishing or traditional publishing. Often times by reading you will find publishing houses that produce the similar works to yours. You need to subscribe to the newsletters, follow presses on Instagram, and learn as much as you possibly can about your chosen industry.
2. You will learn what is and isn’t appropriate for your readers by reading.
There are particular things that audiences of different genres of fiction will not tolerate. As an example, I love children’s literature. I love picture books! However, while I still had my subscription to Kindle unlimited I had to quit reading self-published children’s books. Some of the books I encountered were just downright grotesque. There are set rules in every genre, but children’s literature has the most. The goal is to educate children, not traumatize them. Which is why traditionally published children’s books have so many stringent rules. By reading books from your chosen genre, whether it is children’s literature, fantasy, Si-fi, LGBT+, fiction, Western, nonfiction, or romance– by reading you will learn the unspoken rules.
3. You will Anglish gooder.
Why yes, reading will improve your grammar, spelling, vocabulary, diction, and in general make you Anglish gooder. If you’re like me, and I like to pretend I’m a special snowflake, you’re a redneck who does actually talk that way (“gooder anglish”) when they get really tired. Obviously I had to learn to code switch from somewhere. Part of it can be credited with books. (I did go to school, I do watch movies, and listen to the radio, etc.) There’s a certain something about seeing words on a page that helps you make words on a page, and that’s important too.
Listen, books are much more accessible than that were 20 years ago. 100 years ago! In the 1800’s when they were institutionalizing women for “novel reading”! Most of my friends that experience homelessness from time to time have an android phone. There are multiple apps for reading. In fact, I use an app from the State Library to listen to audiobooks while I clean hotel rooms for a living. I love the fact that audiobooks have made reading more accessible to people who have visual impairments, and to people who have trouble processing information visually. Now if you have a pair of headphones and a phone you can read! It’s amazing! And even if you are missing the WiFi to download books, the library can help you there too.
Some people just don’t enjoy reading. And that’s fine! If you just want to write your book, put it out there, and be done with it, go ahead don’t worry about reading. I do believe that if you want to be serious about your career in writing you need to read. If rolling up your sleeves and getting serious about a career in entertainment isn’t in the cards for you right now because you’re just trying to survive the winter, then don’t feel guilty! Sometimes survival is doing your best. If you don’t have time to read right now I’m not going to shame you for it. You’re allowed to be a hobbyist. I think being a reader will greatly advance your writing career, but I do not know if it hinges upon it.
If you’ve been enjoying these blog posts, and want to help me make sure I can keep this website up and running consider subscribing to my Patreon. You’ll enjoy all these posts a week early, as well as weekly poems, and random life updates! Or just follow me there for the free junk too. IDK your life.
Why hello there! Not only am I still in survival mode, but my fingers are wooden from the cold, and my eyes are going crossed because I am so exhausted from this past week of work. By the time you read this (because keep in mind I write these a few months in advance) hopefully things will be better for me.
I just moved to a new city, new apartment, and new job because I couldn’t find a job in my home town that paid a living wage. Let me tell you, this move took a lot out of me physically and emotionally. Not to mention Covid is still hanging around and I have to think about “Is this gas station safe to go inside? Am I going to expose the people who were kind enough to help move me?” Because I switched homes, I didn’t abandon my people. They’re stuck with me. Lately, I’ve been simply working on how to get the next thing I need. How do I get clean clothes to go to my new job with? How do I get to my job if my car just broke down again? How do I pay for gas to get to this stinkin’ job? Can I turn the heat up in here or is it going to break the bank? My air mattress sprung a leak. Do you think packing tape will work to fix it? All the questions like that press in on you until you’re so drained from just trying to stay somewhat okay, you realize it’s been days since you’ve actually written a scratch. Or painted… I mean, this is a blog about writing but you do you boo boo. You could be beating yourself up about not playing the flugelhorn right now. I don’t know your life.
I know you’re used to Auntie Helen’s German butt bullying you to greatness but: SURPRISE! It’s okay. It’s okay if all you do for a period of time is survive. Like, bruh, how you gunna write if you don’t figure out how you’re going to eat today? It’s okay. No, really, it’s okay.
Like, did we not learn this in Covid? You know, the part where we were all under quarantine and were too depressed and frightened to function? Now we eat fear for breakfast! *Throws glitter* Not really. But, I’m sure you get the point I’m trying to make even though I can’t see it because my eyes keep crossing.
Survival mode will drain your creativity. Just like in Minecraft. Ya know, the zombies try to eat your face so you can’t put 60 cakes in your inventory, or however this game works. Idk, the young friends I play with would probably laugh at me. Some of us just want to build sprawling panda ranches and golden castles! Which, ehem, since life is not Minecraft, that’s not an option in real life. Bruh, you gotta work your butt off to keep the lights on and the roof over your head. I’m not going to shame you for needing to work 60 some odd hours a week! You’re allowed to be tired! You’re allowed to be frightened. You’re even allowed to work 20, say “I have nothing left to give” then collapse in a heap. Or even “My chronic illness is spanking my buns right now and I’m just going to curl into a little ball for a few years until I feel better.” and work 0 hours. Like, being in pain takes a crap-ton of energy.
No one comes to this blog for coddling, but this time you’re getting it. Sometimes life just punches you in the teeth like a grand symphony of violence, and you’re left reeling. It’s okay if you don’t have the juice for your… Uh, flugelhorn, I guess. Sometimes surviving is enough and you definitely need to quit beating yourself up for it.
Are you rapt with concern for Helen’s well being now? Actually hate their guts and want to stalk Helen harder? Subscribe to their Only Fans Patreon! For just tree fiddy ($3.50) a month you can learn all their dark secrets they keep on the internet! Plus, see these blog posts a week earlier! Be a cool kid. Give away all your money.
I am excited for these books to reach the hands of readers, finally, and so grateful for everyone who put their blood, sweat, and tears to get them here. These two books couldn’t have happened without the help of artists, editors, Drakarium Publishing, my Patreons, and an entire community of people who just generally like me! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
I published my debut novel before I could legally have a beer. One of the side effects of being young is having the opportunity to learn through experience. Sometimes experience feels about as pleasant as stepping on a rake. Sometimes experience feels like riding a singing narwhal through a music video #Awesome. Here are the things I would tell my younger self if I got the opportunity:
They are coming. Light the beacon in the watch tower. There is still time. (We could’ve saved the citadel, but alas, it has fallen.)
Brush your friggin’ hair, ragamuffin… Oh, oh, you just brushed it. It just does that. My bad, dude.
If make-up is itchy and uncomfortable don’t wear it. If make-up makes you feel pretty like a Viking about to go into battle, then wear it. Don’t wear it, or not wear it, to impress other people.
You look cute, stop fretting. (Yes, I know this is my third comment about my appearance but I’m looking at photos.)
I literally do not know how you did it. You fought off poverty and mental illness with one hand, then threw on a smile and some fake nails from the dollar store, and sold books with the other hand. Are you homeless right now? I guess by some standards you are. Eh, you always find a safe place to sleep at night, and food to eat in the morning. That in itself is impressive.
It’s okay if you don’t feel like a woman 100% of the time. The world sees you as a woman 100% of the time, and knowing what that feels like is the reason you decided to make a feminist brand centered on helping teenage girls find their power.
Take more pictures.
Quit hating on social media. That’s your future bread and butter.
Quit being so snobby! Jeesh! This is a projection of your insecurity. You’re afraid you’ll never be anything more than a dirty little kid from Cow Town. Who cares if you’re not! When you’re old (me) you’re going to wish life was simple.
You have so many reasons to be proud though.
Please, please, please, start trusting people to show up and show out for you. I know exactly why you don’t, and how and where you got hurt, but I promise, the ones who showed up are your ride or dies.
Seeing your name in lights will get you higher than any substance you could ever abuse. Grind.
Stop caring what people think so much… I know I did. *Profuse sweating*
*Heavy sigh* I know you’re poor but you should’ve really hired a line editor. Yes, you. Not the publisher. You still did your best though. I’ll fix it later…
Okay, seriously, that mean thought you’re having about yourself? No one else is thinking it… Except that one guy in the corner, but he can suck a lemon. Do you know how hard it is to make people care about something? I do it for money now (marketing) and I can tell ya, no one’s paying that much attention.
Consider a pen name. You get stalked multiple times. (You know I keep that thang on me! *Opens coat to reveal a loaf of French bread*)
There’s nothing wrong with staying single while you focus on your career. [Probably.] Men is too headache.
Say thank you. I know you already did but just say it one more time to be certain.
Frick, I am so proud of you. You saw what you wanted and you went after it. You didn’t compromise. Traditionally publishing a book before you can shoot whiskey is quite the feat! …Bruh, they don’t let kids smoke until 21 these days! Weird, huh?
You’re not a bad person for sewing some wild oats. Just minimalize casualties.
Stop being embarrassed of your Goshen County accent. It’s part of who you are.
While you should not be embarrassed by your accent, code switching is a thing. And there is a time, and place, and season, for everything under heaven.
I know you’re doing that weird thing young people do where they look for somewhere to belong. I promise you, it’s not where you think it is, and you and your people have next to nothing in common. Ya’ll just get together and make magic though!
Write every day. Even if it’s just a sentence.
You have pretty eyes. *Bats eyelashes*
Stop working to impress your enemies. You will never be good enough for them. Just kick some dirt over that poop and keep walking.
I’m serious about the pen name. You could’ve been Wait. Helen Wait.
It is a privilege to be yeeted from the presence of your haters.
That speech you made out of nowhere? That was hecka impressive. I don’t know that I could do that today. That was dope.
Not compromising your dreams, and being flexible are two different things. I like your moxie though.
Hug the cat again for me, would you?
That thing you’re worried about. Yeah, it turns out okay.
The master sword sleeps in the crypt. They will probably never guess the riddle to find the crypt. Do not find it. They will torture you for information. Let what was once the citadel rest in peace.
Anyway, that was a strange and beautiful time where I learned a lot. Mostly about marketing and salesmanship! Also the value of friendship, and I don’t mean monetary. I’m excited to publish again because Drakarium Publishing saw potential in me, and I’m excited to do book signings again because The Wyoming Arts Council saw potential in me! I am grateful I got to learn all these lessons myself though because the cup of tea I was just drinking told me “One thorn of experience is worth a whole forest of warning” -James Russell Lowell
If you see potential in me too, and wanna keep reading the weird junk I make subscribe to my Patreon! You’ll help make sure I keep this blog up, running, and free! You’ll also feel like a cool kid when you get to see these posts a week before everyone else!
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away, and not in the future because I can’t see that direction, I was in the chow line. There happened to be to writers behind me and I started eves dropping in on their conversation. One writer was a sweet lady who looked like she could make a mean pineapple upside-down cake, trying to write children’s books about dogs, the other was a gentleman about the same age as her who had written an action thriller of some sort.
The guy looks down at her with these big ol’ puppy dog eyes and says “If I submit your book to publishers will you submit mine?”
“We can trade?” He twists his cap in his hands and tries to look cute.
I know this woman with the kind face is not going to say “No.” which is a complete sentence, by the way, and I so want to step in and be like “UH-UH!” She finally says “Uh-okay, I guess…” and they swap emails.
I knew this dude was about to let her work her butt off to get his book published while he switched up on her and “Oooooh, I’ve been too busy!” That’s reason number one you shouldn’t do that with other writers. The second is that they were working in two very different genres. Chances are he reads action thrillers, and she reads kid lit. Because that’s what they enjoy. So there’s very little chance a fellow writer, who is not an agent, will have read any of the books that press makes. Sometimes when I really get heavy on submitting to publishers I wind up with some of my new favorite books coming in the mail. The two that come to mind are Eat Knucklehead, and Three Sailors and A Hermit. Third, there are so many kinds of different publishing houses out there you need to know what you want to find the right one. I’ve been offered multiple contracts for Tales from the Gishlan Wood but the fits weren’t right so we parted ways.
I’ve had it happen to me too. Friends have asked me to write their books, I’ve dated men who want me to make their career finally get up off the ground (the first step is put down the whiskey bottle, Benjamin. You’re not Hemingway. Make it happen and clear you head so you can function!) And I’ve met people who want me to “help” them find a publisher. I.e. do all the heavy lifting and research.
I’m happy to cheerlead! I’m happy to text you and hold you accountable! I’m happy to drop you a link that may or may not work for your purposes. But ain’t nobody gunna do it for you. Rachel Hollis told me “No one cares about your dreams as much as you do.” Meaning, out of all those cheerleaders you have no one is going to cry and hurt as much as you will if your dreams don’t come true. Your friends will be sad but it’s not their battle. It’s yours. So stop trying to get others to do your work for you.
And I mean, I’ve done it too. The last time I was 14 and just wrote War and Chess. We didn’t consistently have a computer and internet at my house because Dad used to take the computer and it’s hotspot with him to work his nightshift as a security guard. So I asked him if he’d research publishers for me while he was at work. Both my parents just laughed and said “Do it yourself, kid.” So I wound up doing it at school a lot, and whenever my father wasn’t working. Gosh, I do not miss explaining to grumpy teachers why I only had internet sometimes. Or a word processor. I used to write my essays in cursive in red ink and count the words by hand. Let’s all stop for a minute and count our blessings.
The biggest thing in your way is you. I have a friend who writes too. She’s a journalist. She writes and edits on her phone. Ladies, gentleman, and those in-between, that is dedication. I admire her so much. So what’s stopping you? One of my teachers made us all memorize the mantra “adapt, improvise, overcome”. At the very least you have internet some of the time or you wouldn’t be reading this.
Setbacks happen. Believe me, I know. I’ve been rereading some old blog posts and they’re hurting my feelings because I really emphasize taking the time to do it right. K, cool, me. That was before I felt like giving up! Guess I just can’t now! You have to power through them, be like water, and find a way around the problem.
No one cares about your career as much as you do. Make it happen and stop expecting others to do it for you. Do your homework, do your research, keep on keeping on, don’t give up.